… the weirdest person I know …

… that’s me, a dreamer. Dreams re-appear, like a déjà vu. A trick of light will superimpose an image on a scene gleaned in passing. Or a sound, a name, a number, a movement, colour or scent may link up to a dream’s mood. Similarly, memories of seemingly unrelated events from years ago can pop up while doing mundane tasks. This reminiscing improves for me as I grow wiser (older,) a subtle re-organising of events.

One morning after the recent dark moon, and the solstice, while staring vacantly into the sky, a dream image returned from the blue – an empty studio space with interlocking rooms – the sun streams in, dappled light dances across pale shades of colour peeling from the walls, a space for friends to meet, play – bursting with intense creativity. There was a hint of nostalgia (I initiated like spaces in the past) and grief over not having access to such a creative hub. Grief aside, a sense of potential remained.

Consequently, I finally opened my ‘Shaper’ MS again and got stuck into editing, this after many months of having lost faith that what pours from my mind in terms of stories will be appreciated by anyone.

With little chance of publication, giving this sequel once more editing time seems irrational; then again, I’m the weirdest person I know. The irrational has always impelled me forward from deep states of being, in search of wholeness. Like some writers, I juggle for rhythm and balance with a multitude inside, until a character, a theme, or a poem persists and generates engagement.

In this way Ana, Cara and Mesa came to be – three stories that comprise the odyssey of three soul sisters across time.

Even when it comes to my posts here, I don’t plot, nor aim to be topical. Every day brings new thoughts and connections, while something incubates in want of wings. The process of information weaving continues during sleep, and dreams bring home glimpses of this process.

‘Shapers’ was already complete when I published Course of Mirrors. Both my beta readers/editors love this sequel, even after several rounds of reading, which is encouraging.

Yesterday I came upon a note from one of my readers with a plea – make Ana real, please.

I scratched my head, giggling about the irony, since Anna’s quest is in search of the real. How to explain what is mysterious? The paragraph my reader, Susan, referred to does need adjusting, to avoid confusion. Myth or not, Ana’s story is Cara’s deeply meaningful and internal truth.

Maybe this is the time to add, my felt sense of reality was confirmed by the innovating ideas of modern physics, quantum potential being one such case. A friend, Rob, reminded me of this yesterday when he forwarded a wonderful video about David Bohm. Please watch the film. It sheds light on my fascination with time, and also poignantly illustrates how innovators of new ideas were /are blocked by the establishment.

In Shapers time moves back and forward and often becomes simultaneous. Both Ana and Mesa meet up with Cara, the suspended story teller.

Like me, Cara feels most at home on bridges. Anyway, why am I writing this post? To give thanks to a dream that drew me back into editing ‘Shapers,’ irrespective of outcome.


Filed under Blog

8 responses to “… the weirdest person I know …

  1. It’s great that your faith in the book has been restored. Onward!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sometimes, we just need to go with our instincts. Good luck with the editing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Rob

    Hi Ashen
    Thanks for your post.
    Like Cath says, sometimes you just have to follow your instincts. I feel it’s a reasonable thing to say that the true artist creates her art essentially for herself, illuminating things from deep in the collective psyche which may or may not strike a chord with others at some point in their lives.
    It’s not really about entertaining or amusing an audience, though it’s nice if that happens by co-incidence, its about self-discovery and in so doing one may shed light on some deeper mysteries of being……surely always a wonderful thing to do.


    Liked by 1 person

  4. So pleased for you that inspiration has found it’s way back to you Ashen. I have noticed for me it also comes in many strange ways. Music, especially music from the past takes me back to many memories. I too find that memories can sometimes be clearer or re-evaluated, through eyes that have search their soul, asked questions and listened for answers, or just given some time. Dreams can be very strange at times for me. Sometimes I wake up and think I have been on some altered parallel, living another life. So if you are weird then I think I am too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you Gillian. Music – ah. There are instances when I hum a tune I can’t place. The tune can hang around all day until I remember the source and make the connection.
    My humming starts totally unconscious – out of the blue. It drove a friend of mine mad as we travelled in a VW bus through Morocco a few years ago 🙂 Like a little intruder, a messenger that brings back a feeling, a story that wants integration.
    Let’s celebrate weirdness ☼


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