Some mornings I wake to a cacophony of inner voices. I call them inner radio channels. From my introvert abode, I let the din be and digest impressions, images, readings, dreams and ideas in slow motion, waiting for my mind to clear towards a reflective theme for the day. A trick of light or a robin coming close might mute the noise. Watching the information flow by, my mind’s digestive system tries to keeps a fragile balance, often via leaps of the imagination that defy logic but help me bypass the mood of futility that circles the worldwide wide web these days.
The lockdown phenomenon of this pandemic has brought my sense of time circling like a lullaby round my heart. Lacking the animated exchanges and stimulations during physical meeting with friends, I rely on what I read, dream or observe in nature to feed my dialogues with life. Beyond repetitive daily tasks my memory travels inside, back and forth recent decades, re-examining relationships with people and places I lost.
Many of you may have a similar experience, and many of you, like me, may have put projects on hold. After my diary from last year yawned at me with blank pages, I didn’t bother getting another for this year, though I friend gifted me a wall calendar to keep track of days. What can we do unless abide in humility, hopefully to receive insights into what this pause in activities has to teach us, what we can be grateful for, and what fresh opportunities lie ahead?
Incidentally, a third novel I started some years ago, Mesa, deals with the theme of time slowing down. I must have felt it coming. Presently I am procrastinating with the final edit of Shapers, the sequel to Course of Mirrors. In the sequel, as well as well as in the threequel, the familiar characters of Course of Mirrors move into the far future. I wish I had the motivation to seek a publisher for these next two novels. I will however do my utmost to make them available as e-books.
Recently I posed a question to my twitter friends, where I am @mushkilgusha, I asked:
‘What is the most mysterious object in our world?’
A fascinating thread ensued; veering into the abstract, until an intuitive woman provided a satisfactory answer. As a reward, a paperback copy of ‘Course of Mirrors’ is in the post.
In 2018 I wrote a fable relating to the above question. It’s a wonderful read, especially today https://courseofmirrors.com/2018/10/02/the-mysterious-object-a-fable/
Meanwhile I’m still struggling with this new word press format.
Course of Mirrors 
Lovely post. Man, last night I finally added a new post to my blog, and I HATE this new WordPress format. My new post looks terrible and I couldn’t add my pictures. I think I’m going to finally delete my blog, I’m so angry. Congratulations, you did a great job with posting.
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Thank you Gwynn.
I’m angry too, totally with you there. These constant changes in format keep designers employed, fine, but they are discriminating against people who are not techno literate, unless it is possible to keep using the familiar format, or what they called the classic editor.
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Hi Ashen
The past year has been so difficult and challenging hasn’t it? Thrown back so much into ourselves as you say, and unable to take our customary nourishment from many of the good things in this world. At the same time I like to think that I have grown, and continue to grow at least as much as I would have had I been able to implement my travel plans, because I have been thrown back so much on my inner resources.
And I have witnessed the father of my “adoptive ” spiritual family in KwaZulu Natal in South Africa really get into his father role like he never did before, and from where I am looking he’s doing a brilliant job!
It all feels like the long dark tunnel of what the Zulus call “ukukala” (initiation).
What has kept me going and given me light is my proximity to the sea and the South Downs where I have worn my legs down to stumps! And giving four ESOL lessons a week on WhatsApp to my refugee friends. You may be able to imagine my sheer joy when we recently re-started risk- assessed face to face lessons again….on Mondays. Its all socially distanced and wearing masks with the windows wide open to the freezing east wind but……man it’s paradise!
Stay strong Ashen and see you soon insha Allah.
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Thanks Rob. Yes, the sea would help, as does my garden.
Ukukala, the long dark tunnel, an apt image for an inner initiatory journey.
Good to hear your Zulu friends are doing well. Also that face to face meetings with your refugee friends has become possible is good news.
I’m looking forward to seeing you again soon, face to face 🙂
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Ashen, those inner voices are incessant and dominant! Your morning peace to still them sounds ideal and I have a quiet routine of walking around the garden if not too cold, noticing details of petals, leaves and yes greeting the friendly Robin! Glad I’m not the only one who has an empty diary for last year … the morning pages took over though which helped a lot. Good luck with your new publications and project. Meanwhile I feel exactly the same, that with time I look forward to ‘insights into what this pause in activities has to teach us, what we can be grateful for, and what fresh opportunities lie ahead?’ I already feel a huge shift within me … like so many, no doubt! Xx
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Thanks for visiting Annika.
Robins, they are special beings. Two of them come close every day now, and I greet them. They then sit still, look at me, and nod. I’m certain they are aware of my delight.
What is also lovely are telephone conversations with friends, including some who live abroad, and who I would normally visit once a year. I don’t do zoom, since my old laptop disagrees with too many apps, but voices carry energy, which is exchanged and resounds in the heart.
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I read the “Mysterious Object Fable.” What an imagination you have and the ability to make the reader think. I had to smile at the pursuit of the glowing object. It made me think that what people do not understand they have to try and examine and think up so many ways of trying to do this. Some things are there to give us a sense of wonder. That is the magic. I really believe that this enforced isolation we have all experienced is meant to give us the time to really explore ourselves. That hasn’t always been easy for me. I too feel less enthusiasm and have recently had insight into myself that really needs addressing. The universe is honing us and refining us and we have no choice but to go with it, those of us that can see this anyway.
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Hi Gillian. I’m glad you took the time to read my little fable about the Mysterious Object … an object which continuously inspires the poet in us, and presently, I think, has a deep effect on us, given the scarcity of physical meetings with friends.
Since I wrote this post I did actually meet up with a friend, having a meal together. An invigorating experience of sharing stories and loosening up psychic content.
And yes, in these isolating times the need for inner work is pushing up hidden stuff from the unconscious.
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